"Go!"

   Anytime you force me to put my hands on  you it will hurt - like a buffet of pain.
                      - Kasey Keckeisen
   This quote... I'm both laughing  at its irony and nodding at its significance.
   Although any self defense instructor can inflict damage, (to me), the hiliarious irony is that this quote is authored by one of the most respectful people that I have ever met. I don't mean to either imply that most people are savages or to downplay their levels of decency. But Kasey is genuinely respectful and seems unencumbered by reciprocation, ulterior motives, or any other reasons that others may use to feign respectfulness. So the fact that this quote came from Kasey is even more empowering.
   My world is predominantly comprised of adults, and, thankfully, no one I currently associate with is being physically abused. Yet the anger, hurt, and helpless at preemptive mistreatment is palpable. Whether  it's due to fear, self doubt, guilt, or other reasons,  issues remain prolongedly unresolved, which allows others to act according to their own whims.
   To me, (who both hates confrontation and can be manipulated into compliance through basically any human emotion),  Kasey's words offer solutions that surpass incidents dealing solely with physical confrontations. The viability of  righteous, reactive responses, (which I believe that Kasey promotes), is applicable to my world, too. The solutions include exposing the mistreatment and placing responsibility onto whomever it belongs, rather than reacting emotionally. The solutions also include withholding accommodation when it is demanded, especially through the use manipulation.
    If it hasn't yet, I believe this issue will affect all of us, everywhere. And as self-absorption becomes more commonly practiced, and as preferential treatment, (especially at the expense of others), gets more aggressively demanded, Kasey's encouragement to react to mistreatment is a welcome relief.


 
   
 

 

Self Directing

   You already know how to fight, you just got to give yourself permission.
                                  -Rory Miller
   Permission. Allowance. Who's responsible for what? Should they be? I hadn't asked these questions before this years's VioDy seminar, but now I have answers. And the answers, thankfully, contradict my previous behavior.
   There is nothing "scary" about VioDy, but when anxiety plagues your head, forcing your body to open the entrance door can be an ordeal. Similarly, there was nothing "scary" about Rory's drills, but when anxiety... Physically, the drills were not difficult.They were, however, presented in very different and unique manners. Mentally, in essence, we were solving mini "puzzles." Individually.
   Rory's reassurances to us all, and wonderful, patient training partners kept my head under control. Usually emotionally comfortable with people providing answers, my head emotionally resisted me leaving this comfort zone and seeking the answers myself. Yet inspite of my head groaning, "oh noo," the drills were doable. Every. Single. Time. The gained self confidence was new, and it was addicting.
   Today, "ordinary life," isn't ordinary. As I take a more proactive stance regarding my own issues and relationships, I realize that some people are less than thrilled. Mutual advice and emotional support are still my favorite bonding activities with friends. However, I now realize that I had granted permission to certain people over certain aspects of my life. When it comes to oneself, such permission should obviously be unwarranted. How, then, did this become an issue? Although many concerned, wonderful people will offer advice, exploitative people will seek personal gain. Through VioDy, I learned that many of life's issues can be resolved: unemotionally, individually, and without the negative issues that many people provide. Still, the consequences of poor judgement remain. Some of my most prolonged, exhausting, painful "fights" today seem to revolve around people's need to reestablish their sense of dominance.
   Although avoiding issues has proven to be the best solution, resolving them is still more beneficial than wallowing in them. Both require self confidence. For me, "the self confidence gain" occurred at VioDy, and it's synonymous with Rory.