Self Directing

   You already know how to fight, you just got to give yourself permission.
                                  -Rory Miller
   Permission. Allowance. Who's responsible for what? Should they be? I hadn't asked these questions before this years's VioDy seminar, but now I have answers. And the answers, thankfully, contradict my previous behavior.
   There is nothing "scary" about VioDy, but when anxiety plagues your head, forcing your body to open the entrance door can be an ordeal. Similarly, there was nothing "scary" about Rory's drills, but when anxiety... Physically, the drills were not difficult.They were, however, presented in very different and unique manners. Mentally, in essence, we were solving mini "puzzles." Individually.
   Rory's reassurances to us all, and wonderful, patient training partners kept my head under control. Usually emotionally comfortable with people providing answers, my head emotionally resisted me leaving this comfort zone and seeking the answers myself. Yet inspite of my head groaning, "oh noo," the drills were doable. Every. Single. Time. The gained self confidence was new, and it was addicting.
   Today, "ordinary life," isn't ordinary. As I take a more proactive stance regarding my own issues and relationships, I realize that some people are less than thrilled. Mutual advice and emotional support are still my favorite bonding activities with friends. However, I now realize that I had granted permission to certain people over certain aspects of my life. When it comes to oneself, such permission should obviously be unwarranted. How, then, did this become an issue? Although many concerned, wonderful people will offer advice, exploitative people will seek personal gain. Through VioDy, I learned that many of life's issues can be resolved: unemotionally, individually, and without the negative issues that many people provide. Still, the consequences of poor judgement remain. Some of my most prolonged, exhausting, painful "fights" today seem to revolve around people's need to reestablish their sense of dominance.
   Although avoiding issues has proven to be the best solution, resolving them is still more beneficial than wallowing in them. Both require self confidence. For me, "the self confidence gain" occurred at VioDy, and it's synonymous with Rory.